2 hours, 32 minutes.
FINAL LIST OF PLAYERS FOR THIS ROUND
Pat Baer Todd Beiber Jason Carden Ellena Chmielewski Mackenzie Condon David Cope Chris Dunn D’Arcy Erokan Matt Fisher John Flynn Alden Ford Adam Frucci John Frusciante Chris Gethard Jocelyn Guest Dru Johnston Nick Mendillo Justin Noble Shannon O’Neill Verónica Osario Silvija Ozols Morgan Phillips Justin Purnell Ben Rameaka Jim Santangeli Andy Secunda Alan...
ROUND 2 GETS AN OFFICIAL START DATE
March 1st. 12:00AM. HONE YOUR SENSES. SHARPEN YOUR MIND. GET READY TO KILL AGAIN.
Not with a bang, but a whimper.
And with that, ladies and gents, this round of Assassins is in the history books. It didn’t have the most exciting climax, but these days, who does? I’m sorry - I mean, what does? The winners of this round are as follows: Clyde Folley - 1 Kill Jon Golbe - 1 Kill Jason Carden - 2 Kills Nicholas Roach - 1 kill Rohan Flinn - 1 kill Congratulations to the winners! Round 2 will be...
LONG ISLAND CITY MASSACRE
Two assassins were taken down in rapid succession tonight at The Creek and The Cave in Long Island City - first, the lethally beautiful D’Arcy Erokan was gunned down in the street by the nefarious (and aggressively ugly) Justin Tyler, just minutes before an improv set they were going to share. Then, shortly after, D’Arcy’s death was brutally avenged by her mourning beloved,...
Scott Peterman = DED
Scott Peterman was killed on Saturday in a hail of dartfire. Not much else is known about his death, but we do know this: Scott Peterman died as he lived - without ever having bought a gun.
Alright, folks. We’ve been in a stalemate for a while now, so we’re kicking things into high gear. The new, definitive end of this round is WEDNESDAY, JUNE 3rd at 11:59 PM. Here’s how it will work - pay attention: If you are still alive at the end of the game and you have no kills under your belt, you do not win anything. If you are still alive at the end of the game and you...
Because of the long weekend which has removed some players temporarily, the tournament is being extended until one player is left standing. Also, remember that the best offense is a good defense. If you’re a COWARD. Also, remember that boyfriend/girlfriend alliances are great ideas. FOR ASSHOLES.
Stephen Unckles - DEAD
Stephen Unckles arrived at a crowded Williamsburg bar last night at approximately 10:30PM in pursuit of his target, Rohan Flinn. Unckles entered the dark bar with gun drawn, searching the crowded establishment for his mark. Mr. Flinn was expecting an altercation that evening, if not from Steve, from someone, and was quick to fire on Steve before he was attacked, killing him in the middle of a...
REMINDER: SUDDEN DEATH ROUND STARTS TONIGHT AT 12
Four days are left in this tournament, which means that at midnight tonight, any players left alive may kill any other living players. Witness rule still applies. I’ll be emailing work/residence information to all remaining players tonight. Let the bloodbath, especially the one that contains Justin Tyler’s blood, begin.
Some Douchebag Shoots Alden Ford
[Ford, in happier times, sharing a friendly joke with the “man” who would later slay him on a bullshit technicality. At left, some fucker, also a one-time FRIEND, who helped Mr. Tyler set up the elaborate but utterly ignoble ruse.] Alden Ford was killed at 10:45AM today, in the hallway of a once good friend’s apartment building, by his target, who technically correctly cited...
For the second time in this tournament, an assassin has ruthlessly eliminated TWO TARGETS IN A SINGLE DAY. Mackenzie Condon was shot exactly one block from her workplace this evening at approximately 6:40PM, her assassin still reeling with adrenaline from his earlier murder of Mr. Iverson. Good night, Ms. Condon. And to Mackenzie’s target, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. THIS ASSASSIN’S...
There has been much hay made recently of elaborate set-ups, cruel manipulation and daring escapes. Bit we must remember that a kill is a kill, no matter how much fanfare accompanies it. Such is the story of the death or Ryan Iverson, shot while crossing the street this afternoon at approximately 3:30PM. His assassin staked him out, waited for him to pass by his hideout, emerged and shot him...