THE LAST NOEL, OR: WINSTON DEAD-MORE
A comedy of errors became a tragedy of terrors last night for one WINSTON NOEL, whose promising start in his first round of assassins was cut short. His encounter with his assassin started with a botched attempt but led to a successful kill by the very same assailant only moments later.
Mr. Noel was enjoying a drink at a bar below a theater where he was performing, when in burst his reckless and wild-eyed assassin, his hunger for blood drowning out his caution regarding witnesses in the vicinity. A shot was fired, striking Mr. Noel, who laughed in his assassin’s face. There was another player present in the bar, rendering Mr. Noel’s assassination invalid. Winston was alive, and what was more, his assassin’s identity had been foolishly revealed.
Here, friends, is where the sweet, creamy taste of Mr. Noel’s victory turned to a curdled mouthful of defeat cottage cheese. Winston’s would-be assassin, in a moment of desperation, challenged Mr. Noel to a straight-up duel, and in his hubris, Mr. Noel accepted. He unholstered his Nerf petard and walked outside, never suspecting his inevitable hoisting. And as his assassin’s dart struck him once again, this time fatally, I can only imagine Winston’s last dull ache of regret. He had snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. Ironic, yes. Poetic, perhaps. But irony and poetry aren’t bullets. Foam darts are bullets. Real bullets are also bullets but please do not use them for the purposes of this game.
What a way to go. Farewell, sir.
NOEL’S ASSASSIN HAS 2 KILLS. HE CANNOT BE STOPPED AND HAS PROVEN HIMSELF TO BE WILY, MANIPULATIVE AND CRUEL. WATCH YOUR BACKS.
