HE’S DUNN FOR, OR: WHAT’S DUNN IS DONE
Yes, I know I posted this picture on Chris’ last obituary, but I couldn’t help myself. Look at this badass.
This morning, just after 8AM, CHRISTOPHER DUNN was shot in another epic shootout right outside his home in Queens. His assassin had been waiting there for 45 minutes, so he decided to ring the buzzer to make sure Mr. Dunn was at home. Dunn saw through this non-ruse and exited out his back door with the hope of getting the drop on his assassin. But his brutal assailant headed him off and a standoff, then a shootout, ensued. Ultimately Mr. Dunn was shot fatally, but not after deftly dodging four deadly darts - like Neo in a drizzly, outer-borough version of The Matrix.
As his killer left the defeated Mr. Dunn, he uttered the following, chilling words:
“Chris Gethard sends his regards.”
CHRIS FUCKING GETHARD STRIKES, INDIRECTLY, AGAIN.
We can only hope that Dunn’s retributive demise will release the red-headed angel of death from his purgatory prison of infinite nothingness and allow him to ascend into a Heaven where meddling in the affairs of others and setting up his friends to meet their grisly ends is not necessary for his soul’s redemption.
But I wouldn’t count on it.
The biggest surprise here is that this assassination, and its assist by the late Mr. Gethard, was a simple single-cross. There haven’t been many of those these days. Mr. Dunn’s assassin got pretty lucky this morning in putting his faith in Chris Gethard during this game. I wouldn’t have trusted that guy to tie his own shoes without texting my Social Security Number to my assassin while he was down there.
Anyway, the dry spell (during, ironically, the weekend rainstorm) has been broken. Let’s get back to the killing!
